Swooney Is Coming

After failing to secure the rights to Sweeney Todd, something completely different is on its way

All the drama. Some of it on stage.

New Show Trials

Committee misunderstands request to ‘trial new shows’ and introduces show trials instead

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Your trusted source for satirical casting rows, committee coups, theatrical disasters, and the occasional actual play.

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New Ruth, Not Roof

A year-long fundraising campaign has ended in an unexpected spelling mix-up

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The Fabricated Players

The Fabricated Players are an amateur dramatics society committed to theatre, friendship and spending £4,000 to entertain 51 people.

Founded at some point, we produce plays, musicals, and administrative disputes for the local community.

Nobody is paid. Somehow this makes everyone take it more seriously.

The Fabricated Players is a completely fictional amateur dramatics society and everything here is satire.

Our stories are deliberately nonsensical and very silly, taking every casting row, committee drama, forgotten line, backstage disaster, and petty grievance familiar to am-dram.

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Our Newest Story

Am-dram group declares production ‘Brechtian’ after nobody can be bothered to build a set

THE Fabricated Players have announced that their forthcoming production will employ a radical Brechtian aesthetic after nobody volunteered to spend six weekends building the set. Director Nicola unveiled the concept shortly after set manager Graham asked who was available on Sunday morning to construct a full Victorian drawing room and received no replies to his WhatsApp message. Nicola said: “We originally planned detailed period scenery with French windows, a fireplace and

Sebastian Silligoose

Blood Brothers lasts eight minutes after DNA test reveals twins immediately

THE Fabricated Players have been forced to dramatically shorten their modernised production of Blood Brothers after an Ancestry DNA test exposes its central secret before anyone has time to sing very much. Director Paula introduced consumer DNA testing to make Willy Russell’s musical more relevant to contemporary audiences. She said: “We asked what would genuinely happen if Mickey and Eddie were growing up today. “Unfortunately, the answer is that the entire plot would collap

Angus McSensible

Panto auditions introduce three-stage corporate interview process for Widow Twankey

THE Fabricated Players have introduced a rigorous three-stage recruitment process for the role of Widow Twankey after deciding that shouting “Hello boys and girls!” while wearing an enormous dress requires greater scrutiny. Candidates for the society’s forthcoming pantomime must now complete an initial audition, a competency-based interview and a ten-minute PowerPoint presentation explaining why they are the right person to run a fictional laundry. Director Angela said: “Wido

Sebastian Silligoose

Fabricated Players begin marketing shows to unborn audiences

THE Fabricated Players have launched an ambitious new marketing strategy targeting people who have not yet been born in an attempt to secure the future of amateur theatre. The scheme was introduced after the society’s publicity team concluded that repeatedly advertising productions to the same 400 local Facebook users was producing “diminishing returns”. Publicity officer Amanda said: “Everyone talks about attracting younger audiences. “We’ve decided to get ahead of the compe

Sebastian Silligoose

Am-dram society introduces policy requiring complaints to be made before incident happens

THE Fabricated Players have introduced a streamlined complaints procedure requiring members to raise concerns before the thing they are complaining about has actually happened. The committee says the new Pre-Emptive Complaints Policy will allow problems to be dealt with quickly and efficiently by ensuring nobody can complain about anything retrospectively. Chairwoman Jackie said: “We kept receiving complaints after incidents had taken place. “By that point, obviously, it was

Angus McSensible

Audiences fail to notice Hamlet is being played by a cabbage until final scene

AUDIENCES at the Fabricated Players’ latest production of Hamlet failed to realise the title role was being played by a cabbage until the final scene. The vegetable was drafted into the production just 48 hours before opening night after the original Hamlet withdrew following what director Margaret described as “creative differences, availability issues and an extremely long WhatsApp message”. With no understudy available, the society placed a cabbage in Hamlet’s costume and

Sebastian Silligoose

Committee member forced to resign after members unfairly produce overwhelming evidence they broke the rules

A FABRICATED Players committee member has been forced to resign after members they were attempting to remove from the society unfairly discovered overwhelming evidence that they had broken the rules themselves. Social Secretary Judith stepped down on Tuesday after being confronted with emails, messages, meeting minutes and several documents containing what the committee has described as “an unnecessarily accurate account of events”. Judith said: “Obviously I accept that rules

Sebastian Silligoose

Fabricated Players announce bold new production of Macbeth without Macbeth

THE Fabricated Players have announced a radical new interpretation of Macbeth in which Macbeth will not appear, after nobody suitable auditioned for the role. Director Susan insists the absence of Shakespeare’s central character is an intentional artistic decision designed to explore “the presence created by absence”. She said: “Macbeth dominates this play. “So I started asking myself: what happens if we remove Macbeth completely? “Admittedly, I started asking myself this abo

Sebastian Silligoose

Lady Macbeth casting decided by penalty shootout after auditions end in draw

THE Fabricated Players have selected their Lady Macbeth through a penalty shootout after two actors received identical scores during an increasingly competitive audition process. The society introduced penalties after both Helen and Caroline finished auditions with 87 points each across acting ability, vocal technique, characterisation, movement and “general Lady Macbethness”. Director Simon said: “We considered asking them to perform the speeches again. “But at some point yo

Angus McSensible

Am-dram society insists tickets are ‘selling fast’ after selling 11

THE Fabricated Players have launched an urgent marketing campaign warning audiences that tickets for their latest production are “SELLING FAST”, following the sale of 11 seats in just under three weeks. The society added the warning to all publicity materials on Tuesday after the box office confirmed that almost four per cent of available tickets had now been purchased. Publicity officer Donna said: “We don’t want people assuming they can leave it until the last minute. “At t

Angus McSensible